Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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