Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
