This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
