I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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