So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
