I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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