just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
