im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
