please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
