Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Randomize
