Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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