You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
