this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
