I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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