three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
