Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
