apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
