i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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