Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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