Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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