i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
