My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i've created a new STD.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
false alarm, still single
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
