She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
