I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
