My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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