the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
