it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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