Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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