grandma shit on top of the toilet
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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