Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Damn victory sex feels great
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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