Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
