Betty ford says i'm here all night
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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