Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
