Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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