peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you had me at cake vodka
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
