I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
