my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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