I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
