nut hugger
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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