so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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