Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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