So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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