Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
