Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
