god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
