I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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