Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
