I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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