If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
