I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
