You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
