so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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