and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
