I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
