did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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