Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
