I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
