Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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