you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
