i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
