I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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