Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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