I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
