i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
