We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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