Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
