I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
