Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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