I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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