I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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