I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
