My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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