Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
