I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
