life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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