I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
