I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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