i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
